2008 Wolfsburg will not start
 

My car had been running fine all day today. I drove to a friend's house, stayed for about 30 minutes, attempted to start the car, and.... nothing. My first thought was 'dead battery.' So my friend came out, hooked up the jumper cables, we waited a few minutes, I attempted to start it, and again.... nothing.
So I began to inspect the symptoms more closely. First I noticed that when my key was in the "on" position, the lights in the dash did not come on as usual. Only the DSL (driving lights) light came on. Also, when the key was in the "on" position, and the brake pedal was pressed, the car's transmission would not disengage out of PARK.
This does not seem to be a problem with the battery at this point. All of the power windows, power doorlocks, sunroof, lights, AC, radio, etc., work just as good as ever.
So I called the VW service department. The person said that it sounded like a security issue, and asked me if I was using a different key than usual. I was not. He said I would have to bring it in to have them take a look at it. Unfortunately, the nearest VW service center is about an hour from my house. I would like to avoid that tow truck expense if at all possible.
I got out of the car; locked and unlocked the door with my remote key, pressed the panic button, tried starting the car with a different key; still, having the exact same results.
I called another friend who recommended that I take the terminals off of the battery for about 10 minutes to reset the computer, which I did. The computer may have reset, but the problem persisted. Then he told me to look at the fuses in the fuse box beside the battery. I did that too, and all of the fuses there appeared to be intact.
Now, I am here, hoping someone has an answer for me. If you don't know, maybe you know someone else who does. I really appreciate any input at all. Thanks in advance, and I will keep you updated.